Sunday, January 1, 2012

I've Never Laughed so Hard at Church

We finished the Sacrament when the first speaker took to the podium. He was only a few minutes into his talk when the fire alarm jolted all of us from either our spiritual awakenings or sleeping. After a glance around to see what everyone else was doing, I filed out with the others to the parking lot.

The consensus was that some child in the other ward must have pulled it and was quite pleased with himself. After all the fire alarms say "Pull Me." We figured his parents would be in the first car out of the parking lot. Since our ward still had two and half hours to go we remained while the other ward went home.

The alarm warranted one fire truck, one ambulance, and several firefighters loaded for bear. After about fifteen minutes we were allowed back in. The bishop explained that the alarm had been triggered in the ceiling probably due to a malfunction.

The brother giving the talk before we left, took to the podium to finish. He was barely two sentences in when the alarm went off again complete with flashing lights. He stood for a moment before it was turned off.

Beginning again he said, "As I was saying..." Bam the alarm went off again. This time he sat down and we begin to wonder if this was the Lord's way of keeping him from declaring false doctrine. After a few minutes he tried again, "As I was saying..." Bam the alarm stopped him. This time a member of the bishropric stood up, handed this man his notes and scriptures, and had him sit down.

No further attempt was made. The bishop excused us to go home since the alarm refused to be silent. We will never know what that brother was to declare.


  1. As I was saying... I was told to hold on to a big metal book by guy I will call T.M. and I was told not to tell anyone. He said April is going to be pretty exciting for a lot of people. I could not help myself but I took a look at the book. I cant read it but according to T.M.'s translations, which he gave me too, I would renew my temple recommend before December if I was you, those Mayans are on to something. Also T.M. said, don't give any political campaign this year. You are just wasting your money. The next person in charge is not on going to be on the ballot. Oh yea, electric cars will now replace envy as a deadly sin. And Brandon Sanderson is the reason why Occupy wall street happened. He did not get the last wheel of time book final draft to his publisher by April. So this Fall there was nothing to look forward too and the people went out to protest. Just most people did not know what the original reason was.

  2. Root beer, that would have been worth staying for.